Rather than helping our kids process their fear, we end up adding stress to the situation by yelling at them to stop laughing. We interpret their laughter as callousness rather than a sign of sensitivity. We wonder why they think it is funny that their brother just split his head open and start to worry that our kids are sociopaths.
The reason I’m making such a big deal out of identifying nervous laughter is that as parents we can react to the nervous laughter in a way that isn’t helpful to our kids.
The problem with nervous laughter is that it tends to increase stress rather than reduce it. There is a disconnect between what we are feeling and the laughter that is coming out of our mouths. A classic example of nervous laughter is what happens when a very shy and self-conscious person becomes the center of attention. Nervous laughter has its source from anxiety, discomfort, embarrassment, or loss of control ( Learn More). I now know that his laughter wasn’t the “Ha, ha, that’s funny” laugh it was “I’m terrified and don’t know what to do” nervous laughter. My assumption was that the kid was so desensitized by the violence that he thought it was funny. I was stunned that a kid would laugh at something so horrendous. The crowd all gasped at the same time, however, one of the kids began to laugh uncontrollably. I forgot about the kids until there was this scene in which a goblin lost its head. It wasn’t a kid’s movie and I was really bothered to see some really young kids in the theater as the movie started. I remember sitting in a theater watching a PG-13 movie that had some dramatic action and violence. Yet, as I’ve been with my girls and watched other kids, I’ve come to the conclusion that knowing when to laugh isn’t totally natural. Things are either funny and make us laugh, or not funny and don’t. It would seem like laughing at the right time would be some sort of automatic for us and not need to be taught. I would get myself calmed down and things would be fine until I caught the eye of my older brother, and then I’d start the horrible process all over again of trying to laugh without getting taken out of the church by my parents. There are always funny things that are said in church that adults seem to miss, but all the kids get it instantly.
Have you ever laughed at the wrong time? I remember sitting in church as a little guy doing my best to keep from laughing out loud before “LOL” was even invented.
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